The Business of Marriage

Charitable Contributions: Bargaining Over How to Donate Our Money

cornerofspring — Sat, 10 Apr 2010 11:53:18 +0000

I thought it’d be easy. That was dumb.

My hypothesis going in to the first section of our strategic plan was….we’d knock out the decision on how much and where to give money in 15 minutes tops. After all, we agree on a lot, right? (His despicable choice in the last 2 presidential elections not withstanding.) We immediately agreed on an annual percentage of total income. Done. But when it came to “how” to spread those funds, our preferences were so different. I was shocked when a heated debate erupted.

Until now, I would categorize our donations as somewhat random. If a friend asked us for money for a given cause they supported, we’d donate. We also donated to a few organizations from which we directly benefited such as littlevictories.org, the shelter who saved our dogs (an amazing place run by the great Sue Brown).

Going forward, we agree that we want to be both more strategic and more diligent to make sure the donation actually happens. Here is a summary of the current positions: (Brian jump in here if I’m mis-categorizing anything)

Brian- Identify the organizations we’ve historically donated to and distribute the funds equally. The result may be a $50 each spread across many, many organizations with varying missions.
Robin-Select 2-ish specific organizations that have direct, personal meaning to us. The candidates I have in mind are both small and each dollar has a significant impact on their ability to carry out their mission. A seperate amount would be placed in reserve for those occasions when friends approach us to support a cause.

Since the first discussion, I found this research– “Charitable Giving by Married Couples: Who Decides and Why does it Matter?” by James Andreoni, Eleanor Broan, and Isaac Rischall. http://www.claremontmckenna.edu/econ/papers/2000-44.pdf

What I took from this is that

There are distinct gender differences in charitable donations and
When married couples disagree, they donate less overall

Where does this all leave us? I think a compromise on the dollars is possible. The total is safe. I just need to start lobbying for next year

the new “honey do” list

cornerofspring — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 22:45:17 +0000

Over the weekend, my “honey do” list included dropping off dry cleaning, figuring out once and for all which shrubs to replace after the big snow, and attending our family Easter celebration. Fine, easy enough. Brian completed these flawlessly. Actually, they were all his “to do” list items but I just like pretending that I boss him around. Anyway.

In the new book Committed, author Elizabeth Gilbert cites a recent study of women in which “inspire me” topped the list of desired characteristics in a husband. Before cracking this book, I clearly wasn’t aiming high enough with ”wash my car”. But, this little tidbit stuck. I’d never heard it articulated in that way.

After some reflection, I figured that one’s ability to inspire others is an admirable characteristic across many roles– parent, coach, boss, teacher, Bob from Biggest Loser, etc. What struck me is the responsibilities bleeding across the various relationships in our lives. If you follow the logic, Brian should be a one-stop-shop for emotional and motivational needs. And, in turn, me for him.

This isn’t to say that this “inspire” role is an exclusive deal. Either way, though, it seems hard.

Not as easy as it seems

cornerofspring — Tue, 30 Mar 2010 10:26:07 +0000

So, we’re psyched, we’re pumped, we’re ready to… do just about anything else. This blogging business is turning out to be more difficult than we thought! Not sure whether it’s the topic (strategic planning is HARD!) or if the act of writing is the hurdle. Either way, we talk about it an awful lot. New approach? Try biting off more edible, digestible chunks. For real this time, here we go…

We’re back and ready to roll…

cornerofspring — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 09:29:08 +0000

Skiing. Switzerland. And a whole week together surrounded by cheese, chocolate, and wine? Bliss.

We had an amazing trip and are now back and ready to get rolling with our strategic plan. More to come in the next couple of days…

reruns

cornerofspring — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:59:12 +0000

2 glasses of Cabernet at happy hour w/a colleague, repeat of last night’s veggie burger with harissa, and intermittent Biggest Loser viewing.

Missing Brian lots. Can’t wait until Friday when he’s stuck next to me for 8+ hours on the flight to Switzerland. That-might be enough time to give him the week’s play-by-play and beat him at rummy about 40 times.

Harissa? Where have you been all my life?

cornerofspring — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 02:13:59 +0000

Tonight’s dinner included a salad with apples, pine nuts & vinaigrette (a “go to” fav because we always seem to have the key ingredients)

But the rock star of the show was a vegan griller with avocado and harissa (courtesy of Cava). Harissa is a North African spread featuring tomato, crushed red pepper, and a wicked combo of garlic, salt and other spices. By the way, Cava is a local chain now selling dips and spreads at local DC-metro grocery stores. Love that! And, clearly, I’m not the only one. Check out the arugula files and veggin’ at http://arugulafiles.typepad.com/the_arugula_files/2009/07/cava-mezzas-harissa.html and http://www.megabeth.net/?p=2814 (respectively).

So, um yeah. Can’t wait for Brian to get home.

rawesome

cornerofspring — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 00:47:17 +0000

Raw food and a Colbert Report marathon? Just making the most of Brian’s trip to Atlanta. Tonight’s menu included sliced beets with pumpkin seed “cheese” and a corn/edamame salad with this great citrus dressing recipe from Anna.

Watch Sports Center

bcamarote — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 21:49:33 +0000

Ok so this blogging thing is harder than I thought. My wife is knocking out quality post at an astonishing rate. I’m typing, re-typing, editing and deleting starts of posts at an equal rate. Just spent the last 30 mins trying to create something funny, entertaining and amusing about several topics: Needing to post more, What a great idea we have, How our life is perfect test case for this project…but nothing really sticks. I just can’t get the right topic.

So I mention this to my wife and she reminds me I agreed to respond to her last entry about a 10 step strategic plan. Note to self. Read last post and respond. Not sure where my mind is about but thinking nothing one more hour of Sports Center can’t cure.

Life Will Never Be The Same

cornerofspring — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 20:43:04 +0000

Not mine but yours. I envision a few wandering souls happening across this blog and reading my wife’s post and becoming instantly intrigued. So they read on. After they read a few more of her posts they come across one of mine. And BAM!!!! They are punched in the face. Hers posts are thoughtful, interesting and well written. I however use the passive voice, write in segment fragments and don’t see the point in structuring my writing. And most unfortunately for you the reader is that I think I am funny. Not ha ha funny though. I’ll make cheap jokes, references random items (bonus points for catching them) and stretch the truth (mostly lie) all in an effort to amuse myself.

With that said. I am 100% in. I can’t wait to explore this topic with my wife over the course of weeks, months, years.

But remember when my wife indicates the Hook Is In. She is really warning the reader. TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE. For those who don’t.

Life will never be the same.

In just 10 easy steps

cornerofspring — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 16:41:01 +0000

When advising clients in strategic planning, I start by congratulating myself on having such a cool job that people pay me to be a part of this very important milestone in the life of a business. I then start packing several days worth of non-perishable snacks, noise-canceling headphones, a dictionary, and a box of tissues. Invariably, strategic planning is a long, painful process. Sorry, it just is. Anyone who says otherwise and offers “no fail”, simple X step process has never done strategic planning for something more complex than a lemonade stand.

Further, there is no guarantee that at the end of this tortuous event that you’re going to have anything valuable. The biggest risk to a lasting, bold strategic plan is the process itself. Often it’s so difficult to reach agreement, that you end up with a pile of mashed potatoes. Comforting, yes. But it’s really just a blob of flavorless fluff.

So, with this in mind, where on earth might we start to create a strategic plan for our marriage? Google, obviously. Not Google Earth. Just regular Google. Anyway, “how to create a strategic plan” yeilds nearly 25 million links. A couple down from the top, we have a 10-step, 1 day strategic planning process. Jackpot! Forget what I said before. Erica Olsen’s approach sounds promising and she looks like a lovely person (though her picture is a bit pixelated). I’m diggin’ this. Why drag it out when you can outline your entire future in one day? I mean, hello, I could be using that time to run on the treadmill.

We’ll give her approach a shot and try to fill out these 10-steps. Not to sound too competitive or anything but I’m wondering if Ms. Olsen has timed this process. Does it really take a whole day? I’m thinking we can knock this out on no more than 45 minutes or roughly the amount of time Brian will focus before feeling compelled to flee the room and turn on Sports Center.