Love in marriage is a luxury.
For eons, marriage was a partnership in survival. If the girl happened to love the guy (or at least not want to throw up when he kissed you), you were lucky. In more recent times in the US– lets say the last 40 years or so– the idea of love as supreme dominates our whole approach to finding husband. However, there are many places around the world where marriage is still very much about getting shit done as opposed to finding a soul mate.
A couple of years ago, my parents, sister Molly, BCC and I went to Africa. The landscape, the people, the animals, the culture…all unforgettable. One afternoon we visited a Maasai village that welcomed tourists. We met the chief’s son who immediately noticed my sister. (It’s hard not to. She’s ridiculously gorgeous but that’s not the point of this particular story.) Anyway, after he showed us around, talked about their life– food, housing, political structure, family, herding, etc., he politely and jokingly began negotiating with my dad for Molly’s hand in marriage. After a little back and forth about who would be responsible for killing spiders in the hut, Molly said something about “needing to be in love before getting married”. He grinned and said, “yeah, you Americans and your love thing. We don’t do that here.” Of course, that’s just one Maasai man’s opinion. But his point reminded me that there are many places around the world that value other qualities in a partnership above romantic love.
Back home in Virginia, I’m thinking this morning about love. It is Valentine’s Day, after all.
So, while love is an amazing gift, it alone cannot sustain a marriage. Don’t you think this unattainable ideal causes so much unnecessary angst and frustration? We should celebrate love but not burden it with things like mowing the grass and getting dinner ready. Instead, love is the motivator from which you joyfully and enthusiastically manage a life.
Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetie! I love you!
